you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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