i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
