She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
