You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
your room smells of hookers.
And success
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Houston, we have a blender
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
