pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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