I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
