I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
