when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
