people are starting to question the shark bite story
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
