i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
