YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
