hell yes lets make some ravioli
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
