6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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