go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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