Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
