i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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