apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
