Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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