Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
