She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
