I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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