It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
