It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
