I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
