Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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