Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
