yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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