I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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