my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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