peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
