it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
