I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
