It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize