Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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