The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
