no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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