My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
