At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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