just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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