I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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