Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
