he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
