I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
