Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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