I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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