I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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