Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
