that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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