it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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