The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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