Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
