I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
