Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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