im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize