I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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