I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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