We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
