Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
