I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
