i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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