Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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