Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
