Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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