The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
