can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
