if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
the raccoons are back...
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