I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
