My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
