omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
