it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
