I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
