Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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