God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
