If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
