she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
