she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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