Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
