Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
