On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
