You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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