Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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